Just Another Day on Facebook
by nothingbutgoneness
Summary: The worst thing I've ever written. Feel free to not read this. You can keep on scrolling. Summary: Blaine's Wall on Facebook. Good times and not-so-good times. Seriously, it's terrible. T for language. ONE-SHOT.


**Blaine Anderson: **Just another beautiful day with my beautiful boyfriend, **Kurt Hummel**. I'm thinking, movie and a nap?

**Kurt Hummel: **Why are you bringing my laptop outside?

**Blaine Anderson: **Because it's nice outside! Come on, Kurt, can we pleeeeeease watch it outside?  
><strong>-Rachel Berry <strong>likes this.

**Kurt Hummel:** **Rachel**! Don't encourage him! *sigh* So help me God, Anderson, if I burn you are never entering my house again.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson<strong>: Disney marathon and a nap with my boyfriend! #lifeisgood

**Cooper Anderson: **This isn't Twitter, Hobbit, you don't use hashtags here.

**Santana Lopez: **Hobbit? I KNEW you and the tiny Jew were related!  
><strong>-Noah Puckerman <strong>likes this.

**Cooper Anderson: **You know, he DOES look kind of Jewish...

**Blaine Anderson: **A) You based that assessment off of racial stereotypes, which is offensive. B) I am not related to Rachel. C) Cooper, what did I tell you about calling me Hobbit in public?

**Cooper Anderson:** I'm not in public. I'm in the bathroom.  
><strong>-Finn Hudson, Noah Puckerman, <strong>and **6 others** like this.

**Blaine Anderson:** A) TMI! B) Don't be a moron. You KNOW what I'm talking about. C) TMI!

**Cooper Anderson:** Want me to tell them all the other nicknames I have for you?  
>-<strong>Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez, <strong>and **23 others **like this.

**Blaine Anderson:** **Cooper Anderson** DON'T YOU DARE!

**Cooper Anderson: **Blainers.

**Cooper Anderson:** Shortstop.

**Cooper Anderson:** Oompa Loompa.

**Cooper Anderson:** Shortie McShort Shorts.

**Cooper Anderson:** Munchkin.

**Cooper Anderson:** Arm rest.

**Cooper Anderson:** Tom Thumb.

**Cooper Anderson:** Mini me.

**Cooper Anderson:** Shawty.

**Cooper Anderson:** Low rider.

**Blaine Anderson:** Okay, you Googled most of those, because you've only called me one or two before, and you are nowhere near creative enough to come up with "arm rest," nor are you black enough to come up with "shawty."  
>-<strong>Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel, <strong>and **11 others** like this.

**Kurt Hummel:** I for one resent the implication that my boyfriend resembles something along the lines of Snooki. I also would like to interject that I find him rather attractive in short shorts.  
>-<strong>Blaine Anderson, Brittany S. Pierce, <strong>and **7 others** like this.

**Blaine Anderson:** Thanks, love.  
>-<strong>Kurt Hummel<strong> likes this.

**Rachel Berry:** It's very true.

**Santana Lopez:** I'm a lesbian, and even my lady juices were flowing during that dodgeball game. Boy's got a donk.  
>-<strong>Tina Cohen-Chang, Brittany S. Pierce, <strong>and **3 others** like this.

**Kurt Hummel:** ...I'm trying to be offended or something, but the ass don't lie.

**Blaine Anderson:** Kurt!

**Rory Flanagan:** Wait, was this the dodgeball game in which you made my nose bleed?

**Santana Lopez:** Yeah...sorry 'bout that, Leprechaun.

**Cooper Anderson:** LEPRECHAUN! That's a good one, Imma remember that.

**Blaine Anderson:** I am going to flush you and your phone down the toilet.

**Kurt Hummel:** ...Can we watch our movie now?

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson:<strong> Regrets falling asleep outside with his boyfriend.

**Kurt Hummel: **Never. Again. Will. You. Step. Foot. In. My. House. Blaine. Anderson.

**Blaine Anderson: **Oh come on, talk to me! Love, I'm sorry—no, don't storm out! I am going to sit here on your back porch until you let me in.

**Blaine Anderson:** It's not my fault you fell asleep.

**Blaine Anderson:** Come on, love, answer me.

**Blaine Anderson:** Your next-door neighbor is staring me funny.

**Blaine Anderson:** Is she a serial killer?

**Blaine Anderson:** Kurt, what if she was a serial killer and you didn't even know it? And you just left me out here to DIE.

**Blaine Anderson:** I'm going to climb up your trellis if I have to.

**Blaine Anderson:** Since when do they make retractable trellises?

**Blaine Anderson:** **Finn** I might need your help on this one.

**Finn Hudson: ** I'm staying far away from this one, dude.

**Cooper Anderson:** You're so screwed, little brother.

**Blaine Anderson:** No, I'm not. That's the problem.  
>-<strong>Cooper Anderson <strong>likes this.

**Cooper Anderson:** That's ten bucks from you, **Hudson.**

**Finn Hudson: **What? NO!

**Cooper Anderson:** Told you they'd totally done the deed.

**Kurt Hummel:** FINN HUDSON. YOU MADE BETS ON MY SEX LIFE?  
>-<strong>Santana Lopez, Noah Puckerman, <strong>and **19 others** like this.

**Blaine Anderson:** Welcome to the doghouse, **Finn Hudson**.

* * *

><p><strong>Blaine Anderson: <strong>Note to all boyfriends: Always carry a guitar with you. You never know you'll need to serenade your significant other, or what amazing make-up make-outs might follow. ;)  
>-<strong>Noah Puckerman, Artie Abrams, <strong>and **25 others** like this.

**Noah Puckerman: **Get it, Anderson!

**Kurt Hummel: **And you felt the need to post this on Facebook because...?

**Blaine Anderson: **My fellow boyfriends need to know this, Kurt. It's only fair to bestow my wisdom upon the less fortunate.  
>-<strong>Rachel Berry, Tina Cohen-Chang, <strong>and **6 others **like this.

**Kurt Hummel:** I suppose that's a good answer.  
>-<strong>Blaine Anderson <strong>likes this.

**Anonymous:** You all are disgusting.

**Blaine Anderson:** Excuse me?

**Noah Puckerman:** The fuck you say to my boy?

**Cooper Anderson:** The fuck you say to my BROTHER?

**Anonymous:** What makes you faggots think it's okay to spread your evil ways where children can see?

**Noah Puckerman:** Bro, you have no idea how lucky you are that you're saying this shit over a computer instead of in person, 'cause I'd be kicking your ass to Columbus if you weren't.  
>-<strong>Cooper Anderson, Finn Hudson, <strong>and **30 others **like this.

**Kurt Hummel:** Guys, just leave him be. He's entitled to be wrong. I refuse to let his hatred and ignorance ruin my date with my beau. **Blaine**, just delete this whole thread.  
>-<strong>Rachel Berry, Mercedes Jones, <strong>and **3 others **like this.

**Anonymous:** You will suffer for your transgressions, both here on Earth and in Hell.

**Cooper Anderson:** Blaine, I'm on my way to Kurt's place. Don't leave the house. You, whoever you are, either be a man and tell us who you are, or leave these innocent KIDS alone.

**Blaine Anderson:** Kurt and I are logging off. Kurt is...we've just, we gotta go.

**Rachel Berry:** **Finn Hudson** you go check on your brother. **Cooper Anderson**, don't drive angry, you're going to crash. And you, Mr. Anonymous. I don't think you understand the world of pain you've brought upon yourself. Do you think you can't be traced? This is the Internet. EVERYTHING can be traced. Both of my fathers are lawyers with contacts in the police department, and we will find justice.  
>-<strong>Santana Lopez, Mercedes Jones, <strong>and **10 others **like this.

**Santana Lopez: **Never thought I'd live to see the day Berry says something I agree with, but there you go. You's best be steppin' off my boyz, Anon, 'cuz I'm from Lima Heights Adjacent, and we protect our own.

**Finn Hudson:** Rachel, you helped Mom unpack the groceries on Friday, right?

**Rachel Berry:** Um...yes...

**Finn Hudson:** Do you know where she put the brown paper bags?

**Rachel Berry:** What? OH! Second cupboard to the left of the fridge, I can't remember which shelf. Also give him cool water to sip slowly.

**Finn Hudson:** Thanks.

**Tina Cohen-Chang: **How did this guy even get on Blaine's account, anyway? Blaine's too smart to add someone named Anonymous, and you can't just post stuff on strangers' Walls.

**Artie Abrams:** It's not that hard to get around Facebook's firewalls. I did it one night when I was bored.

**Mike Chang:** It's also not hard to trace back. I'm Asian. I can do anything.

**Mercedes Jones:** Guys, look. It says he's offline now.

**Noah Puckerman:** Fucking asshat.

**Cooper Anderson:** **Finn** I'm outside could you let me in?

**Finn Hudson: **Coming.

**Blaine Anderson:** I'd like to thank you all for the amazing friendship you showed me—us—today. Kurt and I have had to deal with a lot of hate, and we'll have to deal with a lot more in the future, but, today...it meant a lot. So...thanks.

**Cooper Anderson: **Bro, are you crying?

**Blaine Anderson: **No, Coop. Shut up.

**Kurt Hummel: **Wow. You're even a bad liar over the Internet.

**Blaine Anderson: **I take it back. I hate all of you.

**Noah Puckerman: **Just know we've got your backs, bros.  
>-<strong>Finn Hudson, Mike Chang, <strong>and **10 others** like this.

**Mike Chang: **We know you can handle things on your own, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't use the help given to you.  
>-<strong>Tina Cohen-Chang<strong> likes this.

** Kurt Hummel:** Dammit, guys, now I'm crying.

** Mercedes Jones:** CYBERHUG!  
>-<strong>Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson,<strong> and **20 others** like this.

* * *

><p><strong>Anonymous: <strong>Always watching...

* * *

><p>What the fuck, guys? It's like someone stole my talent, took it out into the back yard, shot it with a twelve-gauge, and gave it back to me to watch it die. This is, like, the worst thing I've ever written. I almost didn't post it, but SLS made me, so...<p>

I'm sorry for the suckage. This made no sense, and I apologize. I'm just going to shut up and cry over the loss of my only skillset.

TUMBLR IS klainebowsandquirrelmort. (Don't not follow because this sucked. There are other good reasons to not follow me, but this is just embarrassing.)


End file.
